Why We Get Stuck Thinking Big During Divorce
When it comes to transformation, we tend to think big and fast.
During divorce, it is easy to become consumed by where you are trying to get and lose sight of the small step in front of you.
We want to know how we’re going to get through the divorce, rebuild our lives, improve our co-parenting relationship, stop feeling overwhelmed, or finally find peace. Our attention becomes fixed on the future and what life will look like on the other side.
And often, that’s exactly what gets in our way.
The farther ahead we look, the more overwhelmed we become by the distance between where we are and where we want to be. The gap can feel so vast that we become discouraged, stuck, or convinced that meaningful change is impossible.
Ironically, making big changes often involves thinking small, not big.
It involves being present and patient rather than constantly focused on the future.
What Is the Theory of Marginal Gains?
This is the idea behind the Theory of Marginal Gains—the belief that small, incremental improvements made consistently over time will yield significant results.
Rather than trying to transform everything at once, you break a large goal into smaller, manageable parts and focus on improving each of those parts by a tiny margin, even just 1%.
A one percent improvement may seem insignificant. In fact, it can feel almost too small to matter.
But that is precisely the point.
Small improvements are manageable. They don’t trigger the same overwhelm that often accompanies ambitious goals. They allow us to build momentum, confidence, and consistency. Over time, those seemingly insignificant improvements compound, creating meaningful and lasting change.
Why Small Divorce Steps Are More Powerful Than Big Leaps
This approach can be especially powerful during divorce.
Many people enter the divorce process focused on the outcome. They want answers. They want certainty. They want to know how everything will turn out.
Will I be okay financially?
What will happen with the children?
Will I ever feel like myself again?
These are understandable questions, but they pull our attention away from the only thing we can actually control: the next best step.
Focusing on What You Can Actually Control
The reality is that we don’t navigate divorce by solving every problem at once.
We navigate it one conversation, one decision, one boundary, and one small step at a time.
What Your Small Divorce Steps Might Look Like Today
Maybe your 1% improvement today is organizing a stack of financial documents.
Maybe it’s drafting an email instead of firing off a reactive text.
Maybe it’s spending ten minutes learning about the divorce process rather than spiraling down the “what if” path.
Maybe it’s simply getting through a difficult day without making a fear-based decision.
None of these actions will transform your life overnight.
But each one moves you forward.
And forward is enough. In fact, during divorce, forward is often the only goal you need.
We do not navigate divorce through one dramatic breakthrough. We navigate it through a series of small decisions, actions, and choices that gradually move us in the direction we want to go.
Stop Measuring Your Divorce Progress by the Finish Line
When we focus on the next step rather than the finish line, we stop measuring our progress solely by outcomes. Instead, we begin to recognize the value of the small choices we make every day.
The phone call we didn’t want to make.
The boundary we finally set.
The meeting we prepared for.
The pause we took before responding.
The decision we made based on our values rather than our fears.
These small actions may not feel transformational in the moment.
But they are.
Because transformation is rarely the result of one dramatic breakthrough. More often, it is the result of hundreds of small, intentional actions repeated over time.
One Small Step Through Divorce at a Time
The Theory of Marginal Gains reminds us that we do not have to figure everything out today. We do not have to take giant leaps. We do not have to have all the answers.
We simply need to focus on the next small improvement.
Then the next.
And the next.
Over time, those small improvements add up.
The overwhelmed person becomes more grounded. The uncertain person gains clarity. The reactive person becomes more intentional and purposeful in their choices.
Not because they made one enormous change.
But because they consistently made small ones.
One conversation.
One decision.
One boundary.
One small step at a time.
Divorce doesn’t have to be figured out all at once. If you’re ready to take the next small step, book a free discovery call or explore our services to learn how divorce coaching can help you move forward, one intentional step at a time.
