Deciding to separate or start the divorce process is one of the hardest decisions you may ever have to make. What will my life look like? What will this do to my children? How can I even afford this? And perhaps most overwhelming of all: Where do I begin??
A divorce coach can help you sort through these questions and guide you through the process of making this deeply personal decision. They provide clarity, support, and perspective- helping you figure out the next right step for you.
Where should I begin?
The first step is understanding where you are, and how you got here. It can be incredibly helpful to sit down with a neutral professional and recount the story of your relationship. Often, we’re so focused on holding everything together or keeping up the façade that we lose touch with reality. Hearing yourself describe who you’ve become in this relationship- how you’ve made yourself smaller to accommodate your partner, the “minor” changes you’ve made for the good of the family, how you stopped expecting your needs to be met, and how you’ve learned to settle for less- can be powerful and eye-opening. A divorce coach offers a safe, compassionate space to be honest about your situation and to reflect on whether this is still the life you want to be living.
How do I break the news?
And if you decide that divorce is the right path, one of the hardest moments will be telling your spouse. A divorce coach can help you to prepare for this conversation so that your message is clear and calm, rather than adversarial or defensive. Choosing the right time and setting for this conversation is important, as it can set the tone for the rest of the process. A divorce coach can also support you in navigating how to share this incredibly difficult news with your children in a developmentally appropriate and emotionally sensitive way. There’s a great deal of research on this topic and a coach can provide you with helpful and tailored resources to meet your child’s unique needs.
What financial information do I need?
The next step is understanding what you need in order to make informed decisions about what your finances would look like if you do separate. It is not unusual for one spouse to find themselves in the dark about the family finances because the other spouse has handled the money. And while this arrangement may have worked when things were good, it can also mean that one spouse doesn’t have much knowledge about or access to the family finances when it comes time to separate. If this is your situation, you’re not alone- and you have no reason to feel embarrassed. It happens to extremely smart and competent people! A divorce coach can help you to work on a budget to understand what you’ve been spending as well as a budget for what you will need going forward. This will be important information to have for your initial consultation with an attorney.
First Meeting with a Divorce Attorney:
Your first meeting with a divorce attorney is an important one- and showing up prepared will help you feel more confident and in control. A divorce coach can help you:
- Create a concise narrative of your relationship
- Identify your ideal, yet realistic, timesharing plan for custody
- Prepare a list of assets and debts
- Present an accurate portrayal of your income and expenses
- Curate a list of legal questions that are tailored to your unique situation
Showing up organized and prepared, with an understanding of assets, liabilities, and key questions, can maximize your limited time with your attorney and save you time, money, and stress. Walking in with this level of preparation makes you a more focused, discerning client. Attorneys appreciate working with clients who are organized, concise, and thoughtful.
If you decide to hire an attorney (and you likely should), your divorce coach can provide you with referrals to divorce attorneys who are a good match for you and your case, as well as referrals for mediators, financial advisors, therapists, evaluators, and self-care professionals.
You don’t have to do this by yourself.
You don’t need to have your entire future figured out to take the first step. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or simply stuck, working with a divorce coach can give you the clarity and structure you need to move forward thoughtfully. Together, we can sort through your questions, organize the practical pieces, and help you approach this decision with confidence instead of fear. If you’re not sure where to begin, that’s exactly where we start.
